- because everytime I speak or think about programming , I just start crying. I don't know really why it is happening to me, but as you see, it's happening again...
- so, whom do you want to be?
- I want to be myself! It is the most difficult thing, actually!
- hmm.. I don't understand
- you know, may be 20 years of my life I was my parent daughter. And I tried to be perfect for them, I fighted the wall of their misunderstanding ME, who I am, who I really was. And I just saw on their faces "you are not good enough, you are not smart enough, you are not pretty enough..." . But then I said inside my mind "hey people, fuck of me! Okey?". So now I am working hard trying to find and understand and love me.
The most horrible thing is that I lied them, I was trying to tell funny stories about my student and social life, in the same time being very upset about my friendships. I told them about perspectivity of my professional skills and university activity, in the same time seeing miserable situation on my faculty.
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